"In movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."-The Holiday, 2006
While quoting a romantic comedy (albeit an decent one) might not be a good means to measure my depth of thought, this quote does hold some thought provoking sentiments to it. Raised in a generation that had full access to movies, television and the internet, it is hard not to compare my life to that of a movie. As I grew I wanted to be a Disney Princess, then the witty younger, sitcom sibling, then Molly Ringwald. Now that I'm older I realize that, although entertaining, television, movies, and the like are not a good basis on which to measure the successes or failures of my life. That being said, I still do so on occasion.
Hence the quote. I do believe that we should be the own main characters of our lives. It's my life isn't it? But recently I've been feeling a bit more like the best friend. Things are happening in my friends' lives that are a combinations of amazing, confusing, exciting, and right now I feel like I'm the one in the crowds just egging them on! I feel like I am the Iona (Pretty In Pink), or the Casey (27 Dresses), or the Fairy Godmother (I hope I don't need to reference this one...). It's not a bad thing, I love my friends and I want the best for them. I celebrate with them and give them advice (Buddha only knows why they take it) and I am really glad such awesome things are happening.
What I find most disturbing though is not a whiny "why is this not happening to me" shit, but the fact that I think I've accepted it. I am totally ok with sitting on the sidelines and rooting for my friends. Not all the time, mind you, I still have my ambitions and my personality, but I don't feel like I've found my story yet and I'm just along on the ride for everybody else's. Shouldn't I want to be the leading lady and not be ok with just being the best friend? I feel like I should want more, take more, demand more, but i don't and I'm not really sure why.