Education...

It's not just what you learn in schools.  I've been in school for more than half my life and the most important  lessons I have learned were not in a classroom:

-Sometimes you have to make a mistake a bunch of times before you really start to change.

-"Choosing your battles" does not mean, "not choosing to battle."  While some fights are not worth it, some are and you have got to fight those fights that are tooth and nail.  

-Nothing is ever black and white.

-There is no such thing as certain in life, you never know what the future has in store for you. 

-There is a time and a place to let go of the past.  Don't forget the lessons you learned but you can let go of the events that occurred.

-Every person on the planet should be trying to better themselves as human beings.  

-Life is too short to be angry, try laughing instead.  

-Do everything like you chose to do it, because honestly, in a way, you did.   

-Don't sell yourself short.  In the sense that you have experiences in your life that hurt, but someone might have it way worse.  Don't censor yourself with the thought "I have no right to complain." Just because it's not as "bad" doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.  

-Some people say to never look back.  I say, if you never look back, how the hell do you know if you're going anywhere?

-Climbing a tree is sometimes the best therapy.  

-The only thing you can honestly do in anything in this world is do right by you. It's not a matter of courage or character, it's a matter of feeling ok with any given situation.  Even if you fail, you can still carry on with the knowledge that you did everything right by you.

-Educate yourself, just so you know the world around you.  

-It's hard to admit but, all that advice your parents give you? Sometimes they were right.  

-Talk about yourself because someone will say something about you that will make you see yourself in a whole different light.  

-And advice from my dad: Growing old is mandatory; growing UP is optional.

Thank you to the friends, family, enemies, mentors, poets and others who have helped me learned these lessons and make me into the person I am today.  

With Great Power...

Taking responsibility sucks.  Really it does.  Obviously not for the good things, like baking a cake or writing a novel.  But when things go to shit; then things go to shit.  As kids we're sheltered from it by our parents: "Oh they're young, young people make mistakes."  But when you come out into the real world, you have to learn to take responsibility.

People still don't want to though.  They could be 5 or 50, some people will try and shove the blame onto somebody else, on their nature, on the universe.  Whatever it is, it isn't them.  But to be perfectly honest, you shouldn't do that.  You cannot do that.

Yeah, you feel your insides twisting themselves into a ball of mush and you just want to puke and cry and scream all at the very same time.  You are just ashamed that you fucked up so unbelievably much.  All you want to do is bury your head in some long ago, warm time when everything was ok.  But we can't do that anymore:  You messed up, deal with it!

I don't know if it's a part of going up, but for me it's apart of becoming a better human being which every person should strive to do.  But that's not all of it though.  You can't just take responsibility for a mistake, or poor decision.  People say they're sorry all the time.   You have to also change your behavior.  Realize you did wrong, take responsibility and then figure out a way to change.  You messed up, now how are you gonna fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again.  That it what truly taking responsibility means.
It's the hardest thing in the world to realize you made a mistake, but it's even harder still to take responsibility and change your character accordingly.

Growing and Knowing (A Poem)

Live the life you want to live

Live for today and die tomorrow

Tomorrow is nothing short of a miracle

Tomorrow will come if we want it to or not

Not to be

Not to have to decide

Decide who lives and dies

Decide now

Now is not the time

Now will turn to then and that will be the end

End of an era

End of time

Time to be safe is gone

 Time to take risks has come

Come to me my pretty ones

Come out to the darkness and into the light

Light the way into a blazing future

Light of truth pouring out of the wise man’s mouth

Mouth shut against stupidity

Mouth screaming out the pain

Pain in life is to be expected

Pain is life is unimaginable

Unimaginable is the world without color

Unimaginable is the world without you

You with the bright ideas

You and me against the world

World is an ugly and greedy place

World is a beautiful place

Place my fears aside

Place your hope in me

Me brave and bold now

Me finally ready

Ready

Now

Tidbit of Advice I: Talk About Yourself

Just not all the time.  Trust me, nobody wants a self absorbed friend.  But do talk about yourself to friends.  Share with them dreams and self doubts.  Share traumas from your past and your favorite memories.  It will be scary and, yes, you're gonna sometimes put your faith in a friend that doesn't really hear what you are saying.  But you will find a friend who will really listen and share a thought that makes you see yourself in a whole new light.  You are your own worst critic and sometimes you need someone with a whole different perspective to realize how amazing you truly are.

If Life is a movie...

"In movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend.  You, I can tell are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."-The Holiday, 2006

While quoting a romantic comedy (albeit an decent one) might not be  a good means to measure my depth of thought, this quote does hold some thought provoking sentiments to it.  Raised in a generation that had full access to movies, television and the internet, it is hard not to compare my life to that of a movie.  As I grew I wanted to be a Disney Princess, then the witty younger, sitcom sibling, then Molly Ringwald.  Now that I'm older I realize that, although entertaining, television, movies, and the like are not a good basis on which to measure the successes or failures of my life.  That being said, I still do so on occasion.  


Hence the quote.  I do believe that we should be the own main characters of our lives.  It's my life isn't it?  But recently I've been feeling a bit more like the best friend.  Things are happening in my friends' lives that are a combinations of amazing, confusing, exciting, and right now I feel like I'm the one in the crowds just egging them on!  I feel like I am the Iona (Pretty In Pink), or the Casey (27 Dresses), or the Fairy Godmother (I hope I don't need to reference this one...).  It's not a bad thing, I love my friends and I want the best for them.  I celebrate with them and give them advice (Buddha only knows why they take it) and I am really glad such awesome things are happening.  


What I find most disturbing though is not a whiny "why is this not happening to me" shit, but the fact that I think I've accepted it. I am totally ok with sitting on the sidelines and rooting for my friends.  Not all the time, mind you, I still have my ambitions and my personality, but I don't feel like I've found my story yet and I'm just along on the ride for everybody else's.  Shouldn't I want to be the leading lady and not be ok with just being the best friend?  I feel like I should want more, take more, demand more, but i don't and I'm not really sure why.

Shared: One of My Favorite Poems of all time...

Lady Lazarus Sylvia Plath I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it-- A sort of walking miracle, my skin Bright as a Nazi lampshade, My right foot A paperweight, My face a featureless, fine Jew linen. Peel off the napkin O my enemy. Do I terrify?-- The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth? The sour breath Will vanish in a day. Soon, soon the flesh The grave cave ate will be At home on me And I a smiling woman. I am only thirty. And like the cat I have nine times to die. This is Number Three. What a trash To annihilate each decade. What a million filaments. The peanut-crunching crowd Shoves in to see Them unwrap me hand and foot-- The big strip tease. Gentlemen, ladies These are my hands My knees. I may be skin and bone, Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman. The first time it happened I was ten. It was an accident. The second time I meant To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut As a seashell. They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls. Dying Is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call. It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical Comeback in broad day To the same place, the same face, the same brute Amused shout: 'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge For the hearing of my heart-- It really goes. And there is a charge, a very large charge For a word or a touch Or a bit of blood Or a piece of my hair or my clothes. So, so, Herr Doktor. So, Herr Enemy. I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern. Ash, ash-- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there-- A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling. Herr God, Herr Lucifer Beware Beware. Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And I eat men like air.

Animation

This is a topic I'll probably come back to a lot.  The general public seems to underestimate the craft of graphic novels and animation saying that it's stuff for children.  But the fact is these crafts have some example of the most amazing pieces of art, acting, and storytelling I have come into contact with.